Friday, January 28, 2011

More Bad News

Well it seems that 75 year old Ron Paul is considering a race for the U.S. Senate in Texas.  That is bad news for Raffy since he was hoping to win over all those stylish, attractive 'normal' everyday people who make up the Ron Paul Revolution.

Congressman Paul, who now has poor Ben Bernacke by the cohones thanks to his subcommittee chairmanship, may want to take his one and only shot at being a 'father & son' team in the Senate with freshman Senator Rand Paul.

Plus, Rand may still need Daddy's guidance and permission to do anything.  It seems Dr. & Mrs. Paul may have kept poor Rand in short pants a bit too long.  He is currently walking in his Daddy's steps trying to wipe out half the federal government and convert all our social security checks to gold futures.  Rand could well turn out to be a one term wonder; and the grim reaper is starting to check how much juice is left in Ron Paul's life battery, so Congressman Paul may be a man on a mission.

This puts poor Rafael 'Ted' Cruz playing the role of 'lady in waiting.'  Kind of like waiting at the Havana airport trying to catch the next flight to Miami back in '59.  And just like so many wealthy cuban women learned as they stood at the ticket counter with their jewelry sewn into their fur coats, that plane may never come for Raffy.

Thursday, January 27, 2011


The Austin Stateman's cutie pie Jason Embry has picked up the Marco Rubio theme in his latest column on the Texas U.S. Senate race:

Yes, again we hear the comparisons to Charlie Crist and how South Carolina Senator Jim CeMent likes Rafael 'Ted' Cruz.  Oh, but Texas ain't like the Sunshine State (home of the hanging chad) or as we like to call it, "Flo-ri-duhhh."  But as we have said before, David Dewhurst ain't no Charlie Crist.

The Dew just raced the Voter ID bill out of the Senate so fast the poor Democrats didn't have a chance to inhale and let out a squeal.  Even Senator John Whitmire took a 'Claytie Williams approach' and saw it was inevitable; so he decided to lie back, relax and enjoy it.  And the Ultrasound Bill will be passed and on the Govenror's desk before you can say "Wanna hear your babies hearbeat before you kill it?"  Those will be some awfully big Conservative chits the Dew will have to cash in for 2012. 

Back to Rafael: Yes, they are both Cubanos, but that is where the similarities end.  Marco Rubio is a native American (unlike Cruz), got his higher education in his home state (unlike Cruz) and has had a decade in elective office before running for the U.S. Senate, again unlike Cruz. Rubio has led a legislative body - just like Dewhurst and unlike Cruz.

And now that he is a U.S. Senator, Rubio has declined to join the Tea Party Caucus and has figured out Jim CeMent and Michelle Bachmann are brainless psychos who attract the odd and the dangerous to their ranks.  But here is the real secret to Rubio's success:  he's good looking, thin and wears a photo of himself on all his suits:

Raffy's mug on a suit?  Not good, not pretty.  But back in Canada, they don't do this 'cause you have to stay bundled up all the time.  Once again Raffy, your homeland calls you!  And besides, in the swimming pool, yelling "Mar-co....Cru-zi-o!"  just falls flatter than Cruz' election chances.  In Florida, "Marco Polo" has now become "Marco..Ru-bi-o" as Floriduh's favorite poolside past time.  That is something a "Hah-vahd" degree just can't buy.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The company that Raffy keeps

When you go through the tattered remains of the 2010 Rafael 'Ted' Cruz for Attorney General effort, you find an interesting cast of characters that Raffy thought were worth bragging about to Texas voters.  It is a pretty curious lot ranging from the oddball assortment of the vast right wing conspirators in Texas (more on these clowns in a future post) and a couple of unusual supporters worth noting.

First, there's Richard Thornburgh, or if you're Karl Rove, he's better known as "Deadbeat Dick."

Thornburgh was a two term 'Guvana' of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and was serving as Bush 41's Attorney General when he got drafted into a special elelction for the U.S. Senate.  Thornburgh found out that you can't go home in politics and got whupped pretty good by a Liberal Dinosaur whose campaign was run by James Carville.

Well, Dick pretended the whole thing never happened and ran off to the United Nations.  The trouble was, he owed Karl Rove a whole bunch of moola.

We like Karl, so we use young, skinnier pictures of him with GWB.
Thornburgh didn't understand that you don't piss off Karl Rove and you don't owe him money.  So in 1993, Thornburgh's campaign committee was sued in federal court of Karl Rove & Co. Rove won the case and collected $180,000 from the Thornburgh committee. Karl Rove & Co v. Thornburgh was heard by a Texas federal judge who'd had been appointed by President George H.W. Bush in 1991.

If you were running for office in Texas, is this an endorsement you'd brag about?

In addition to Deadbeat Dick, Raffy showcased his support from former U.S. Solicitor General Ted Olson, whose wonderful third wife Barbara Olson died on 9/11 at the Pentagon.  So what is Olson up to these days?  Well his 4th marriage must have taken him on a different path, because he's helping Al Gore's old lawyer sue to overturn Prop. 8 in California in order to legalize Gay Marriage.

Olson with Gore lawyer David Boies trying to legalize gay marriage out on the left coast..
These two legal clodhoppers want to overturn a citizen amendment (passed by a vote of the people) to the California Constitution which now defines marriage as one man and one woman. Ted now thinks that "Nooooo, the people are stupid.  We lawyers know what is best."

Since Ted Olson is now trying to make this the law of the land in California, how smart is it to brag about having this guy's endorsement?  Does Raffy have zero judgment or is this just a 'lor-ya' thing?

Earth to Raffy:  Gay Marriage is already legal back in your homeland.  So this would be a non-issue back home.  An example:

Question back home in Canada: "How would you vote in Parliament Mr. Cruz on same sex marriage?"  Cruz: "Gosh you guys already legalized that before I got home.  Next question..."

Rafael Cruz answering questions...Oops! Not again....
Question in America: "Mr. Cruz, what did you know about Mr. Olson's lawsuit and when did you know it?"  Cruz:  "On the advice of counsel and my political consultants, I must invoke my fifth amendment rights."

That was flanderer David Vitter above.  These chunky boys look too much alike!
Can't just be a "Hah-vahd" thing - Olson went to Cal-Berkley (euhhh, I know).  It's just a Washington DC lawyer thing.  Enough said.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Vicious Villians & Scapegoats

If you're Rafael 'Ted' Cruz and you are trying to elbow your way to the top in a crowded field, you need a villian, or a whipping boy, in order to get to the front of the pack.  So in the spirit of his native land, we've posted good ol' evil Canadian 'Snidely Whiplash.'
That's because Raffy wants to be able to ride in on a white horse and save the day against his Snidely.  Just like say, 'Dudley Do Right' of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police:

Raffy/Ted has a lot in common with Dudley:  they are both Canadian and they are both good at overestimating their own abilities.  Dudley thinks he can ride a horse and save the day.  Raffy thinks he can be a Senator and save the day.

And who is Raffy's boogie man?  Why none other than Conservative Texas Lt. Governor David Dewhurst.

Raffy's problem is that Dewhurst is a Conservative stud.  As Land Commissioner he fired all the Democrat hacks that were on Garry Mauro's payroll.  Since he's been Lt. Governor, he's shepherded a list of conservatives laws through the Texas Senate as long as your arm, he is solidly pro-life and he puts his money where his mouth is:  he's been giving money personally to groups like Texas Right to Life for years, so he's no 'Raffy Come Lately.'

But Raffy/Ted has been busy romancing out of state right wing nitwits and has charmed a few.  But Texas Conservatives know Dewhurst.  Plus he can spend a gazillion bucks of his own cash to set the record straight.  That's why it will be "NO SALE" when Raffy cranks up the BS machine in the coming months.  The Dew will meet him at every turn and out shout him.

And while the Dew ain't no Snidley Whiplash - Raffy is Dudley Do Right through and through (and not in a good way).

So the only upper chamber Raffy has a shot at is the upper chamber on Ottawa.