Friday, January 21, 2011

Young Men = Big Ambitions

Rafael E. (Ted) Cruz

Fidel Castro

Che Guevera

Fidel Castro, Che Guevera and Raffy/Ted Cruz all had one thing in common:  they each possess/possessed big dreams and big ambitions.  True, the first two were dedicated communists and anarchists and no, Cruz is not a communist (he's at least pro-democracy when he's running for public office in his second home of America, but god forbid what he'd do with his fellow "Hah-vahd" alumni in the USS. ).

It takes big balls to elbow people aside and think you're the one to be in charge.  These first two leave a couple of lessons for semi-young, ambitious types who want to rule the world.  Castro has been running his banana republic (now through his brother) for now 52 years.  And poor Che (stud that he was) ended up being hunted by no less than the likes of our CIA and Nazi War Criminal Klaus Barbie before the President of Bolivia ended up having him killed (he was shot nine times).

Perhaps Texans (and Canadians) should use the lessons of history when judging what can happen when a macho (slightly paunchy) stud offers to run your government for you: they either totally control your life for a half century - or you have to have a third world leader assasinate them.

Any way you slice it, it suggests voters need to keep on lookin' and Raffy should remember this: Highway 83 out of Perryton will take you straight home - to the Canadian border.

Two Countries for the Price of One

Rafael 'Ted' Cruz isn't just Canadian, he's also Cuban.  He loves to break out the violins to talk about how his father escaped communist tyranny.  Bravo for Raffy's Daddy.

But Raffy's Daddy isn't running for office - Raffy is.  It's kind of hard to see how being a Trial Lawyer representing the RGA against Chris Bell is fighting tyranny. From the looks of it, all Teddy has done is be a lawyer and never miss a meal.

That's why Raffy/Teddy returning to Canada makes perfect sense.  That dynamic duo down Havana way, Raul and Fidel Casto, are getting pretty long in the tooth.

Fidel & Raul Castro:  Not lookin' too good.
If their birthdates can be believed, Fidel turns 85 this year, Raul 80.  Yes, the actuarial tables are not on their side.  That's why Raffy could bide his time and lead the revolution from Canada.  Hell, Raffy/Ted probably thinks he could lead two countries at once.  He certainly has an ego as large as Fidel's.

Cruz could turn Havana into a Canadian winter government headquarters.  Shoot, that's where the half of Canada goes this time of year - the half that isn't in Florida (and voting in their elections).  And since Cuba hasn't had anything pesky like say, an election in oh, 100 years or so, Fidel and Raul might just throw him the keys to the front door since Cuba is broke anyway.

Yes, Raffy could be in Ottawa biding his time, maybe even plotting a new Bay of Pigs.  He's certainly got the shape to lead that offensive - and he'd finally have military experience.

Ted Cruz wait not him...

...there.  That's better.  It's hard to tell these two apart.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

An Honest Cruz Logo.

Have you seen Ted Cruz' logo?

From the looks of this, you'd swear that Ted/Raffy is
a mashed potato sandwich on wonder bread.

So misleading, so denying his roots.  We have a better idea -

This way he embraces who he really is, and it matches his State Bar Card.
And the dome can just as easily be Washington - or Ottawa (even Havana).

Much better - Viva Raffy!

A Quicker Rise to Power

Anyone who knows Rafael 'Ted' Cruz understands that his massive ego requires him to be the leader of a free country at some point.  But he is also an impatient little imp.

Up in his native land, the rise to power would be much quicker.  And he'd fit right in as Cuban-Canadian relations have been strong for decades.  See for yourself:

Fidel Castro with then Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau

And if you're Ted Cruz or Raffy as we prefer, you think you can be both men all at once.  That is so Nixon of Ted!  Once he's secured that seat in Parliament, no doubt Raffy would rise to power in a matter of mere months, if not weeks or days - because afterall, he's Ted!

As Prime Minister, Ted/Raffy could munch down on all the Toorejas and Cuban Sandwiches that he can inhale while gulping down all the Molson he can handle.  Thanks to Trudeau and Castro, it will look quite natural.  And he could smoke big nasty cigars from Havana - legally!  In Washington DC, he'd be reduced to going over to the British embassy to inhale them.  How inconvenient.

And Canadians expect their politics to be a little whacky.  Hey, here's Pierre with a fun couple:

John & Yoko Lennon with Pierre Trudeau around 1970.

So Canadians wouldn't think Ted/Raffy was any whackier if we posted Phyllis Schafly to Ottawa to keep him company -

What a Pair, huh!

Chunky Money back in the land of his birth could mean allowing us to export some of our country's biggest embarrassments.  Ted could eventually plant Phyllis up there for good since we hear she was embalmed about ten years ago.

If that's not incentive enough to put Rafael 'Ted' Cruz back in Canada, I don't know what is! 

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Rafael 'Ted' Cruz is running for U.S. Senate??? Please!

  Wouldn't Raffy be happier running back home in his native Canada?  That way he would be closer to things like:


and this!

The other problem with this chunky money is that he just reminds us too much of this:


So here's to keeping our U.S. Senate 'Canadian Free' by getting Rafael 'Ted' Cruz back home to his native soil and start running for this:

(Canadian Parliament for those of you who don't know)

So Remember....

This makes a nice pairing!