Cruz Serves Chili to Members of GOProud.

Nah. Not really. We just wanted to be able to use this photo. "This is Raffy Cruz. This is Raffy Cruz on propane." Yeow!

And here are a couple of Cruz volunteers working CPAC. They aren't making too good of an impression. We hear they are Raffy's aunts. The word is that the "Cruz sisters" were Cuban refugees from the Mariel boatlift. Yep, Raffy's aunts were detained in Fort Chaffee and then busted out of the joint and held up liquor stores all the way from Bentonville to Hot Springs. If only the Cruz sisters would switch to Virginia Slims, but I guess they worked in the cigar factory too long to change brands.

Flash! Raffy Cruz spotted at CPAC!

Well, Raffy's here. Yes Rafael "Ted" Cruz has hit CPAC in DC. So first and foremost, he has pissed off many on the far right such as the Heritage Foundation, the Eagle Forum, the American Family Association, the National Association for Marriage, Focus on the Family, Liberty Counsel, etc. who are boycotting this year's event because a Republican homo group was allowed to participate. As one winger said, "It boils down to this: there is nothing 'conservative' about one man violently cramming his penis into another man’s lower intestine and calling it ‘love.’” Wow! Some wingers sure know a lot about man on man action.

Even Senator Jim CeMent is staying away. Recall he's the Senator that Raffy is trying to get to NOT endorse Williams for Senate (you know, the Williams with the shaved head and the idiotic bowties, not the used car salesman).

But Raffy called CPAC an "exciting place to be right now." So if Raffy is trying to get those social conservatives on board, he sure has gone about it a funny way. Oh but remember, it's all about Raffy.

His speeches and comments are sophomoric conservative platitudes. "Liberty," "Fighting for Liberty," "Personal Liberty," Raffy loves the words liberty. He ran down the word "establishment" a bunch and talked about "entrepreneurship." Funny, David Dewhurst is an entrepreneur and Raffy is a litigator. He didn't get the irony.

Raffy even talked about being a Texas Longhorn fan. But Raffy went to Princeton and 'Hah-vahd.' And Texas Governor Rick Perry is the Lone Star State's number one Aggie.

That's no way to get the support of the Governor's political machine in a very crowded Senate contest. Oh - and he made fun of Donald Trump (a dweeb, but a billionaire with a temper and a long memory) and he called Obama a "communist." Oh my.

In just one morning, Raffy has thumbed his nose at Jim CeMent, James Dobson, anti-homo Conservatives, a billioniare and Texas Aggies.

Raffy emceed this afternoon at the conference. Does anyone have a hook they can pull Raffy offstage with - Vaudeville style?

The rest of the Senate field is home in Texas - where people actually live who can vote for a Texas Senator (except Ron Paul, but he's a Congressman and it's Friday, so he has to chase Bernacke around the Fed board room).

Yes, Raffy Cruz is not ready for prime time. Shoot, he's not even ready for Canadian cable. It doesn't get any lower than that.

Maybe Cruz can go meet with the Canadian Ambassador and get a copy of his birth certificate while he's town.

Report from CPAC 2011 in Washington, DC.

WE ARRIVED A DAY LATE. So far, we only find little Ron Paul YUCHIES (young urban conservative homosexuals) everywhere putting Ron Paul stickers on anyone they can find. Yup, they are GOProud and PAULproud. What a surprising combination.

And Raffy Cruz? No evidence of his existence to be found - so far. But we shall continue the hunt, onward through the homo right-wingers!

We plan to hit the receptions and hospitality suites searching for evidence of all things Cuban and/or Canadian. The Cruz juggernaut must be here somewhere!

Birthers

A lot of wing nuts who are supporting Rafael "Ted' Cruz for USS are also birthers - you know the conspiracy types who think that President Obama's mother went off and squatted in the Kenyan bush to bring him into this world - then suddenly got on an airplane and raced to Hawaii to claim he was really born in Honolulu.

But Raffy was born in Canada and supposedly migrated to America when he was four. Will Raffy produce his birth certificate and immigration documents? Is he really legal - or was he loaded into the back of a Molson Beer Truck and snuck across the border?

Hmmm...I wonder what part of Canada Raffy was smuggled into the Country from? Did he come by land or by sea (ala Lake Michigan or Superior)? Sure would be nice to see those papers. Maybe we should start the Cruz 'birther' movement. Was there a birth announcement in the Toronto Sun? Maybe the Granma Internacional in Havana? Or the Juventud Rebelde? (Naahh, too communist). One thing is for sure about Raffy: there ain't no Texas birth certificate and that sure creates mystery and suspicion.